Sep

5

Secondhand Attitude

Ever notice that when you see someone smoking, you’re always downwind. It defies some law of physics that I’m too lazy to look up. Or maybe it’s karma, whose laws I can just make up because no one really knows.

Anyway, for some reason, everywhere I go, I end up living right next door to smokers whose noxious second-hand smoke follows me around like a bad credit rating.

And don’t let the La-Z-Boy® recliners on my neighbors’ front porch fool you. They are enlightened individuals who know that societal mores have moved on since the days portrayed in Mad Men. They know the proper thing to do is to smoke outside. That way they can besiege entire neighborhoods rather than just themselves and their immediate families. They can feel smug about doing the right thing or at least the less wrong thing, which feels better than actually doing the right thing, which is to go through the nicotine withdrawals and weight gain like the rest of us and put the bloody cigarettes down.

But today I discovered another reason to not love my neighbors as myself. Today I learned that one of these smokers, maybe to better afford his tobacco habit, has taken up repairing motorcycles. Right outside my office window. For three hours and 35 minutes I’ve listened to Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! VRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM! You know, I try not to hate people but they don’t make it easy. So now I’m thinking this might be a good time for him to light up.

Okay, I don’t seriously want him to explode into tiny little pieces that can’t smoke cigarettes or try to fix motorcycles ever. But a girl can’t help fantasizing about such a manly man.

Anyway, at least I have an outlet for my bad attitude. You can even personalize them: make them meaner, change colors; add text, photos, obscene hand gestures, and more.

Vegan? Shut Up. T-shirt
Vegan? Shut Up. T-shirt by vicesandverses

I can’t write all the rude sayings. Here are a lot More Rude Sayings at Zazzle.

All of these images are copyrighted material. All rights reserved.

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Any thoughts?